Friday, April 27, 2007

Where are you, my angel?

How very hurting can life get? When all the things you stood strong for… you believed in… and loved… came crashing on you from all sides… When all the pillars and supporting material caved in… When you just had to hold on to only yourself… when the little bit of happiness you found and tried to give just came back hitting you hard realizing that you are just a mere mortal… a mere human being… When you sacrifice just for love… When you are willing to do all to keep the flame burning… even with the wind and the rain just fighting with each other to take your flame away… And they leave you alone only when they realize that they’re going to have to take you first before they can go anywhere near the light your flame shines….

Dejection can just be an understatement and life can just be so different from what you try to understand of it. Where tears no more mean anything… and when feelings don’t help in getting you where you want. Helplessness just feeding more pain into the open wounds… when you feel that there is nothing that you want more, than to just live… To just be given a way to live… just a way to breathe… just a way to try to understand… just someone to believe in…. to have faith in something… to be able to see beyond the small trees… to be able to fly with the birds… to be able to fall asleep on the clouds….

I know there’s someone up there listening to me as I plead… or do I convince myself there is someone…. I know there’s something in this life for me… but can’t it just be what I want and can’t it just be made into something simpler…. How can words come out to mean something? How can words ever be enough to make someone understand the things you want and the things you feel? What can be given and what can be said… Someone has got to help out here… If there’s my angel listening somewhere… Please show me the way… I don’t even need a hand…. I just need the light.