Monday, May 12, 2008

Lady Destiny Teasing... Or Human Mind Reeling...

There are times when I'm totally down that I look for signs... Signs that tell me that things are going to be better... or that I'm doing the right thing... Or I shouldn't be doing something... These things may appear in the vaguest of forms right from a bell ringing somewhere or some good news coming from the most unexpected of quarters... Or some vague reference of me coming from whom I want it to come....

What are these things? Is it just the human mind playing mind games and interpreting these actions to suit the situation or what we want to believe? Or is there something more to it and is it destiny's way of telling us to pick up out knapsack and go on with what we were doing and not give up?

I'd like to think the latter as these are things that give me the strength to go on in desperate situations... Times when there's nothing that looks good and I feel that all I do or think is going in vain and the only thing that seems to be improving is the number of gray hair on my head... (Yes, I do have a few... but you have to look intently to find them). So when I feel that its pointless to go on and all I've done is in vain, when something small happens, it spurs me to go on for two reasons:

  1. I'm pretty sure that's what I want and so the lightest nudge can set me back on course.
  2. I feel its a sign that I should go on and give this fight everything I have right to the last bit of energy and effort... and last black hair on my head... Come on we have very healthy dies available in the market today!
And hence the race to the finish continues... The finish that ushers in a new life... A life I've been patiently waiting for... Praying for... Day in and out... Thinking of... Trying to will to happen... The life at the end of the horizon!

Monday, May 05, 2008

Change - The only Constant

Hiya... Its been a while since I got anything up here.... After logging back in here, I went through all my posts and the dates and I found a trend - Most of my posts have been after some major change in my life. This has led me to conclude that blogging is something I do to manage the inertia that comes with any change....

Which naturally brings you to the question - What now? Yes, life is changing - I am getting braced for the next phase of my life.... one that I have been wanting to do all my life - My Management Degree. That's been on my agenda all my life and its finally here. I have an admit to the Asian Institute of Management in Manila, Philippines and I will be accepting the admit. So, that would effectively mean that I leave India in August. This is the change that I am getting my mind to accept but it means more to me than just moving out of the country.

It means me leaving the country and my future would be left into the hands of destiny. All my life, I tried to keep the things that matter most to me well planned and take hold of those things from the hands of destiny. But here I am leaving everything into the hands of fate and putting my faith into divine custody. It disturbs me to a large extent that I have to say goodbye to the very reason I make the change I need in my life. Things have started moving and I hold on to the railings I imagine around me to not sway with the motion. And when it becomes surprisingly turbulent and I don't find what I am looking for, I lose my balance and feel all alone. Those are the times I tend to wish I had the life I wanted without this struggle.

But again, I am constantly reminded that if we were to get what we want the most on a silver platter, then it would lose its sheen. And again, if everything were to go the way I want after this very turbulent journey, I would always remember the journey and would be glad I hung on strong and faced the worst as everything can only get better......