Friday, September 14, 2007

A diary re-opened: Times of need

You know how it is to open a diary which you left hidden in the deepest of closets thinking you never need it again....

Why never need it again?? Because you felt that a person was there to share everything and nothing ever be private and emotions and trust ruled over the intimacy in your lives. Why let out all feelings and happenings outside of this bond... And so this diary - my blog remained closed over the past months.

Its open again.... And why? There are many questions and even more probable answers. But in the end, the story ends with trust....

What exactly is love and trust? Love has this peculiar ability to lock all other feelings and emotions somewhere far away and blind you to the different colours around... It shows you what it wants you to see, it makes you feel what it wants you to feel... and basically builds a fantasy world around you.... But is this just love.... Maybe love goes beyond.... What happens when over a period of time, the person you look into is not just the bright colours and you begin to look beyond.... This is where trust comes into the picture.... Love exists wrapped around trust and they go on together to take one far away into new horizons....That's how we see couples married together for years and still so much into each other...

But what happens when trust is shattered... And hell breaks loose... Emotions cloud judgement... Decisions seemingly rational at that time look lame at another point.... And then the skies begin to come down.... To thrust upon us an agony and pain that can never be felt other-wise. No cures, no way out.... Just locked into the pain... the realisation that this could be an endless tunnel and there will never be any light.....

Words flowing without a slight thought.... Double-edged swords... Not leaving the smallest of space to hold on to one's breath.... Anger does off course bring out the worst of one's vocabulary and one's mind... But when things are said that are far into questioning one's honesty and one's faithfulness.... Is this a way of trying not to feel guilty... finding flaws in the other person.... just to close your eyes to the mistakes we commit....

Judgement clouded, mind forcefully pushing those droplets out of vision.... thus blinding every sensory perception.... Availabilty making the core of the relationship.... the further you are the closer you are... When you are exclusive... things go to the border of being taken for granted... and the respect you need no longer is available...

Forgiveness is misunderstood for weakness and tears are misunderstood for lack of sexuality... What is the world coming to? Is true romance dead? Is true love a misconception? Is there no hope for sacrifice in this world anymore.....

A bouquet of red roses - Does it actually mean anything to the girls of today?
Going out of the way to help - Is that what is expected in a relationship? How about some appreciation?
Making a sacrifice - Does that mean the person's supposed to do all of that to show he/she's in love?

Where did the days of just forgiving, forgetting, kissing and making up go? When did the age of punishment in relationships start? When did making a small mistake go all the way to the point of bringing in fear and insecurity into a relationship....

Flaws which normally hidden by smiles and love.... shine bright in times of trouble... And how things are managed then make for a good foundation in a relationship.... bailing out every time there's a problem isn't the only solution.... Where did understanding go? Where did care, sympathy go?

All over and over... thoughts flow through my head... and my etchings could decorate the Great Wall of China.... but i'm gonna take a break now.... Need to do something to cleanse my thoughts.... Probably gonna knock a few years of my age...Try to change into someone I am not!!
Well people who know me well are gonna be saying, he always says this, but never does change... And i stand by that... I will not change... thought i am going to make an effort.... I cannot be this person who doesn't make sacrifices in the name of love... who tries to do things to make every moment special.... Now, if prayers are to be answered and if things are gonna work.... I will look up and smile.... waiting to see what god has in store for me....