Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Desperate Hours

An astrologer who read my stars once told me that I fell into the same 'Natchatram' (Star sign) as Lord Rama. Lord Rama suffered a lot during his prior years. He was sent into exile for 13 long years by his wicked cousins. He was in the forests with his wife Sita. She was kidnapped by the Demon Ravana who fell in love with her beauty. Basically... he faced difficulty after difficulty before things finally fell in place for him... And so this astrologer tells me that I would face the most troubling of times... where things would never seem to go right... I would face the toughest of challenges..... times when I felt that there was nothing more I could do... and things were just squeezing my very existence... when my moments were no more.... and that when i were to finally jump into the well out of desperation... things would begin to turn my tide......

Through the toughest of my times... whenever i felt low... i would think i've reached the lowest of lows... and that there was no way things could ever become worse.... and that things would only go on to be the better... but then... i would be proved wrong... with something worse happening... and things just beginning to hound me more and more..... the most difficult thing to do in life is to be in love... and to live in denial... to live for others... and forget to live for yourself....

I just wish that these clouds would clear... and show me where i am meant to be....and when this endless trenches of lows would clear to take me up to where I believe I belong... All the time i keep wishing for better and better... only to seem to be moving further away from it....

But believe me.... over all these trenches... it sure has pushed me to become a better person.... I sure hope it does... atleast it's made me stronger....a different person... i'm becoming emotionally stronger... facing more and more things i wish I never did wanna see... and never face.....

All my life... I've lived to make those around me feel worthy of knowing me... and doing everything i could to make the ones around me... the ones i love... my friends.... be happy... just plain happiness...with all that I had in my power... hoping ppl would be around when i needed them the most.... but then i lose... always do....

And yes... the romantic in me... never say die... never say over to love.... that's something i've never been able to do... Always believe that true love... will overcome anything and everything in it's way! And have never been able to give up!! But now... I wonder if this whole concept of love... is just a humbug! Created by Archies and Hallmark to enable them to do their business! I sure do hope that it aint true... coz my heart tells me it's out there... my head tells me otherwise...

I just need to move on... Walk on... and become the person I know I am destined to be... With or without true love.... Life.... to take on...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Smile on!
Things will be just fine.
take care.

Anonymous said...

I read your last for / five blogs..
All i could figure out is that you are so much emotional ( as much unusually as possible), seems to be drooling over things that shoudnt get to your heart/mind..

you are sick.. I hopw you will be in out of india by now.. and let it give you a new attitude to look the life in a different way!!

( I know you wont accept this comment, but i felt that i would want to tell you ) Kumaran.. smile your way !!as you look in your photos

nemesis said...

Hey Anonymous... Do i know you????

Anonymous said...

No man..You dont know me..
but i never expected you to approve this comment

I am extremely sorry if i have hurt you!!