Well i'm just back from a few days in Madras(Chennai for those who insist)... and the heat is killing there... Well many things happened there and many things didn't... but I have come to believe that everything happens for a reason and that reason i think is for me to learn... So good or bad... I gotta learn something from all that's happening in my life....
It took me so much of time and going against all the things i strongly felt with or the principles that i had set over the past year to make up my mind... I realised what i wanted and that i was not going to give up my feelings easily... And even though other things like family,values expected of us, community rules,etc etc... are very important to me... These things now add up as constraints.... and yes distance... I guess all of this made me think for a long time... I had my swings in decisions in the beginning and i even tried to forget my feelings... But the more i tried to forget... the more it became clear to me that these feelings were important to me and i really didn't want to let them go....And then i began to weigh my options and then also tried to prioritize what was important to me... Believe me this took a lot of time and was mentally really stressful... And then i made a decision... and with that decision i went to madras....
But now on my return, well i have been successful, but not in the way i believed i would be when i left... but in a different way... I have really never felt at these extremes and then been totally stable... Off course there may have been a tear or two... but on the whole i held myself pretty well i feel... The first time i've been able to do this... guess i am growing... not a kid anymore..Well this is also a reason i feel better... and then there's this feeling that, yes someone does care and there are other things that have to go into a relationship... I am still thinking over it... and i have realised how important it is to respect the other person's feelings and personal space... and i should not keep my thoughts confined to my feelings and my needs... That would be being selfish... and this has been another sphere in which i feel i am learning... I'm glad to be patient and wait to see how things fare... whether it goes my way or against me... i'm sure now that both ways i will be a winner...And yes i have come to realise that in all the process of me beginning to look at what lies ahead of me years down the line, i'm actually losing sight of what lies right in front of me... Like riding a car or a bike on the road and looking way ahead and then going into a pot-hole right in front of u!!! And yes i guess the stock market has also reacted to the way i am behaving in this situation... he he... biggest fall in the history of the stock market... 825 points on a single day!! whew...
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