Sunday, May 07, 2006

The puppet that I really feel like!

About a week back when I did some serious thinking about who I really am, i came upw with some stunning but strikingly obvious.... Well let me lead u on to this revelation......

I started thinking of my life so far... Well for the record, i belong to a town called Virudhunagar(close to Madurai) born in a Nadar community. This community is pretty much in awe of itself and never dare to step beyond and is also conservative. Well i thought of the schools I went to, the important decisions that were made in my life, the movement through the different phases and i have realized that my participation towards making my life was hugely limited.... All through my life my decisions have been guided or rather set in front of me.... I now feel like these horses that are made wear these blinders so that they can only see wat their owners or trainers want them to see... and that is the road ahead of them... Their vision is so limited and they do not know anything other than the road... not even what lies on the side of the road!! Every decision of mine has had my parents telling me that this is what should be done... and they also make me feel the same way... obviously that's the only choice that is laid out in front of me....And i have followed feeling happy(Am i really happy???) Well I'll come back to this again at a later stage.....

There's also this concept of a shell that has been around me for all these years and still continues to be there.... its like this protective cocoon that has been wound around me by my parents and my society... This has led to my potential lying untapped i believe... I believe that i will be more enterprising and will use my potential more if i know that there isn't the matress waiting to catch me should i fall.... This shell gives me my limits and its basically like if i were to leave the shell I could never get back in... Like a nut's shell that when once cracked can never be put back together!!! I know some of u out there may be thinking..."Wat's wrong with this guy??? .... Its so nice to have so much security in life!" But believe me, there is so much of frustration that gets built up over the years... What if i had it in me to be the best singer there ever was, or the best cook(these are just examples!!!).... Now those don't even seem to be on the list of what i am allowed to do!!

Thus I feel like this puppet with so many strings around me controlling every movement of my body! Should i try to break lose.... Things become unstable... But i guess there will be a day or a moment wherein I really will want to break lose from all these strings and find out the real me......

Excuse me people but i really have to run now!! I'm at Coimbatore now to get my bus to go back home and i just realised that my bus is in some time... so i'll get back on this topic once i get home.... Later....

2 comments:

Mr O. M. said...

Hey buddy, you're at the edge of a revolution it seems!! Keep your pace Kumi, don't worry, I can assure you that you've already broken lose from many of your strings... And till now that has been for the best!!
And you can still be the world famous singer you're dreaming of if you like... Bangalore rocks... See ya dreamer!

nemesis said...

well i aint saying dat i do wanna be a singer... but maybe there's something in me that i haven't brought out!!! anyways lets see wat life has in store for me!!