I was just doing some cleaning through my cupboard and I came across an old scrap book of mine... and it had some of the poems i first wrote and this particular one was the very first.This was when i was in the 10th std.(that would be when i was 14 years old). That was the first time i tried my hand at some poetry... and here it is....
When I turned fourteen and changed completely into a teen,
I met a girl that glittered,
Beautiful curls which put Cameroon Diaz's into the litter,
Her beauty to be compared to the crown jewels.
That made me decide that I wanted this jewel,
Then it flashed to me that I had fallen in love!
I tried to talk to her, Or rather impress her!
She was the friendly kind,
The type nobody would mind,
She was witty and intelligent,
All this made me nothing but urgent.
I tried to summon up the courage to tell her,
Always backing out with a tear,
I kept trying to tell myself i was brave,
But then i was lying to myself!
I told my friends about the matter,
Experienced, wise guys I'd say,
They laughed over it in such a way,
Believe me they couldn't sit, no way!
I asked them what was wrong,
They told me I was taking too long,
"For what", I shouted completely frustrated,
Together they said, "Its time you dated".
Then I decided it was high time,
And so I made up my mind,
I went through all my Shakespeare lines,
And then was all ready.
I went up to her full of fear,
All thorough with my Shakespeare.
"Oh beautiful one, It has struck me,
That I have fallen in love with thee,
What a couple, you and me!"
And as i waited for her answer,
I couldn't take the torture.
"Well", she said and up went my head.
She laughed, could u believe it.
"Pray tell me why you laugh at what I said",
Then it came,
"We could be the very best of friends".
So she said,
And then my heart bled.
As though it were being torn to shreds.
"Sorry", she said meekly,
"I understand", I said weakly.
"Bye", she said and with that one word,
Went my whole world!
This whole friend business,
Was all but a polite reference,
To slamming the door on your face.
As she walked away...
I decided to introspect.
These girls I tell you,
They are used to it.
A routine day of theirs,
Is filled with a heart or two of ours!
And so this little love story ends,
With the hero failing,
Very unlikely to bend,
With the truth of the end.
Well I still haven't travelled,
On the ungravelled pathway,
To a distant paradise called love,
This is all that happened when i first fell in love!!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
Rendezvous at Virudhunagar
Just out of the weekend and i can't feel most parts of my body rite now!! But this weekend turned out to be one of the most memorable times of my life... My friends Guillaume, Clemence and Sarah came over and i took them on a tour(man that sure sounds funny) around Virudhunagar.....Well apart from the stuff we did, it was a different experience for me... In the sense i was worried when i first called them over as to how the reaction from my family would be. Off course my mom said i could call them over... But still the fact that our cultural background is so different and i know my mom well!!! She's got her set of principles and beliefs that no one would be able to change!!
But then, it turned out to be a great weekend... I guess it feels really nice to see friends and family getting on really well... The discussions over the table during meals was widespread and at times made my heart beat a wee lil faster(when topics such as alcohol came up!!), but then it went on smoothly overall!!
And at first i was apprehensive as to whether they would like to swim in the well at my farmhouse but at the end it was great... We sure did have a whale of a time there!! In fact.. this is like the first time in my life i'm having something to drink in Virudhunagar(It aint easy ok...everyone knows everyone in this town).... And the craziness in the jokes that were making the rounds made us(well atleast Guillaume) believe that my mom had fed him with some funny mushrooms!! He he.... And yes, before i forget, the topic of mutton!! Well i have always been having mutton to eat at my town and i have known that it was the meat of the goat. It seemed to be a surpirse to Sarah(who went on about it so many times) that we call Goat's meat, Mutton!!! She went to the extent of pointing to a cow at the farm and saying is dat wat u call Cow Mutton!!! God these were the types of crazy jokes doing the rounds.....
It was only last evening when they had to get onto the train to go to Madras that I actually felt something really deep inside of me and i realised that this weekend meant a real lot to me and also my family!! In fact this morning, my mom was like the house feels so empty without them and in a short span of two days it feels like my parents have known them for ages!!!
Another thing that was troubling me was my intuition but i'm gonna be putting dat to rest.... Its just that when i care for a person deeply, I just wanna be sure that i do nothing to spoil that relationship or make that person go far away from me... ANd when this intuitive feeling ran through me, I had this feeling of Deja Vu... like its happened in the past and it turned out to be through... But then i'm forcing myself to believe that its totally different here... Well it was easy as i was convinced too... Its all about trust i guess and more importantly who u trust... Well my life's gotta go on and i'm just a lil bit upset that it may be a long time before i again do meet this person i'm talking about and I know so strongly that this person means a lot to my life.......
And life in Virudhunagar goes on...........
But then, it turned out to be a great weekend... I guess it feels really nice to see friends and family getting on really well... The discussions over the table during meals was widespread and at times made my heart beat a wee lil faster(when topics such as alcohol came up!!), but then it went on smoothly overall!!
And at first i was apprehensive as to whether they would like to swim in the well at my farmhouse but at the end it was great... We sure did have a whale of a time there!! In fact.. this is like the first time in my life i'm having something to drink in Virudhunagar(It aint easy ok...everyone knows everyone in this town).... And the craziness in the jokes that were making the rounds made us(well atleast Guillaume) believe that my mom had fed him with some funny mushrooms!! He he.... And yes, before i forget, the topic of mutton!! Well i have always been having mutton to eat at my town and i have known that it was the meat of the goat. It seemed to be a surpirse to Sarah(who went on about it so many times) that we call Goat's meat, Mutton!!! She went to the extent of pointing to a cow at the farm and saying is dat wat u call Cow Mutton!!! God these were the types of crazy jokes doing the rounds.....
It was only last evening when they had to get onto the train to go to Madras that I actually felt something really deep inside of me and i realised that this weekend meant a real lot to me and also my family!! In fact this morning, my mom was like the house feels so empty without them and in a short span of two days it feels like my parents have known them for ages!!!
Another thing that was troubling me was my intuition but i'm gonna be putting dat to rest.... Its just that when i care for a person deeply, I just wanna be sure that i do nothing to spoil that relationship or make that person go far away from me... ANd when this intuitive feeling ran through me, I had this feeling of Deja Vu... like its happened in the past and it turned out to be through... But then i'm forcing myself to believe that its totally different here... Well it was easy as i was convinced too... Its all about trust i guess and more importantly who u trust... Well my life's gotta go on and i'm just a lil bit upset that it may be a long time before i again do meet this person i'm talking about and I know so strongly that this person means a lot to my life.......
And life in Virudhunagar goes on...........
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Looking too far ahead...losing wat's rite in front????
Well i'm just back from a few days in Madras(Chennai for those who insist)... and the heat is killing there... Well many things happened there and many things didn't... but I have come to believe that everything happens for a reason and that reason i think is for me to learn... So good or bad... I gotta learn something from all that's happening in my life....
It took me so much of time and going against all the things i strongly felt with or the principles that i had set over the past year to make up my mind... I realised what i wanted and that i was not going to give up my feelings easily... And even though other things like family,values expected of us, community rules,etc etc... are very important to me... These things now add up as constraints.... and yes distance... I guess all of this made me think for a long time... I had my swings in decisions in the beginning and i even tried to forget my feelings... But the more i tried to forget... the more it became clear to me that these feelings were important to me and i really didn't want to let them go....And then i began to weigh my options and then also tried to prioritize what was important to me... Believe me this took a lot of time and was mentally really stressful... And then i made a decision... and with that decision i went to madras....
But now on my return, well i have been successful, but not in the way i believed i would be when i left... but in a different way... I have really never felt at these extremes and then been totally stable... Off course there may have been a tear or two... but on the whole i held myself pretty well i feel... The first time i've been able to do this... guess i am growing... not a kid anymore..Well this is also a reason i feel better... and then there's this feeling that, yes someone does care and there are other things that have to go into a relationship... I am still thinking over it... and i have realised how important it is to respect the other person's feelings and personal space... and i should not keep my thoughts confined to my feelings and my needs... That would be being selfish... and this has been another sphere in which i feel i am learning... I'm glad to be patient and wait to see how things fare... whether it goes my way or against me... i'm sure now that both ways i will be a winner...And yes i have come to realise that in all the process of me beginning to look at what lies ahead of me years down the line, i'm actually losing sight of what lies right in front of me... Like riding a car or a bike on the road and looking way ahead and then going into a pot-hole right in front of u!!! And yes i guess the stock market has also reacted to the way i am behaving in this situation... he he... biggest fall in the history of the stock market... 825 points on a single day!! whew...
It took me so much of time and going against all the things i strongly felt with or the principles that i had set over the past year to make up my mind... I realised what i wanted and that i was not going to give up my feelings easily... And even though other things like family,values expected of us, community rules,etc etc... are very important to me... These things now add up as constraints.... and yes distance... I guess all of this made me think for a long time... I had my swings in decisions in the beginning and i even tried to forget my feelings... But the more i tried to forget... the more it became clear to me that these feelings were important to me and i really didn't want to let them go....And then i began to weigh my options and then also tried to prioritize what was important to me... Believe me this took a lot of time and was mentally really stressful... And then i made a decision... and with that decision i went to madras....
But now on my return, well i have been successful, but not in the way i believed i would be when i left... but in a different way... I have really never felt at these extremes and then been totally stable... Off course there may have been a tear or two... but on the whole i held myself pretty well i feel... The first time i've been able to do this... guess i am growing... not a kid anymore..Well this is also a reason i feel better... and then there's this feeling that, yes someone does care and there are other things that have to go into a relationship... I am still thinking over it... and i have realised how important it is to respect the other person's feelings and personal space... and i should not keep my thoughts confined to my feelings and my needs... That would be being selfish... and this has been another sphere in which i feel i am learning... I'm glad to be patient and wait to see how things fare... whether it goes my way or against me... i'm sure now that both ways i will be a winner...And yes i have come to realise that in all the process of me beginning to look at what lies ahead of me years down the line, i'm actually losing sight of what lies right in front of me... Like riding a car or a bike on the road and looking way ahead and then going into a pot-hole right in front of u!!! And yes i guess the stock market has also reacted to the way i am behaving in this situation... he he... biggest fall in the history of the stock market... 825 points on a single day!! whew...
Sunday, May 07, 2006
The puppet that I really feel like!
About a week back when I did some serious thinking about who I really am, i came upw with some stunning but strikingly obvious.... Well let me lead u on to this revelation......
I started thinking of my life so far... Well for the record, i belong to a town called Virudhunagar(close to Madurai) born in a Nadar community. This community is pretty much in awe of itself and never dare to step beyond and is also conservative. Well i thought of the schools I went to, the important decisions that were made in my life, the movement through the different phases and i have realized that my participation towards making my life was hugely limited.... All through my life my decisions have been guided or rather set in front of me.... I now feel like these horses that are made wear these blinders so that they can only see wat their owners or trainers want them to see... and that is the road ahead of them... Their vision is so limited and they do not know anything other than the road... not even what lies on the side of the road!! Every decision of mine has had my parents telling me that this is what should be done... and they also make me feel the same way... obviously that's the only choice that is laid out in front of me....And i have followed feeling happy(Am i really happy???) Well I'll come back to this again at a later stage.....
There's also this concept of a shell that has been around me for all these years and still continues to be there.... its like this protective cocoon that has been wound around me by my parents and my society... This has led to my potential lying untapped i believe... I believe that i will be more enterprising and will use my potential more if i know that there isn't the matress waiting to catch me should i fall.... This shell gives me my limits and its basically like if i were to leave the shell I could never get back in... Like a nut's shell that when once cracked can never be put back together!!! I know some of u out there may be thinking..."Wat's wrong with this guy??? .... Its so nice to have so much security in life!" But believe me, there is so much of frustration that gets built up over the years... What if i had it in me to be the best singer there ever was, or the best cook(these are just examples!!!).... Now those don't even seem to be on the list of what i am allowed to do!!
Thus I feel like this puppet with so many strings around me controlling every movement of my body! Should i try to break lose.... Things become unstable... But i guess there will be a day or a moment wherein I really will want to break lose from all these strings and find out the real me......
Excuse me people but i really have to run now!! I'm at Coimbatore now to get my bus to go back home and i just realised that my bus is in some time... so i'll get back on this topic once i get home.... Later....
I started thinking of my life so far... Well for the record, i belong to a town called Virudhunagar(close to Madurai) born in a Nadar community. This community is pretty much in awe of itself and never dare to step beyond and is also conservative. Well i thought of the schools I went to, the important decisions that were made in my life, the movement through the different phases and i have realized that my participation towards making my life was hugely limited.... All through my life my decisions have been guided or rather set in front of me.... I now feel like these horses that are made wear these blinders so that they can only see wat their owners or trainers want them to see... and that is the road ahead of them... Their vision is so limited and they do not know anything other than the road... not even what lies on the side of the road!! Every decision of mine has had my parents telling me that this is what should be done... and they also make me feel the same way... obviously that's the only choice that is laid out in front of me....And i have followed feeling happy(Am i really happy???) Well I'll come back to this again at a later stage.....
There's also this concept of a shell that has been around me for all these years and still continues to be there.... its like this protective cocoon that has been wound around me by my parents and my society... This has led to my potential lying untapped i believe... I believe that i will be more enterprising and will use my potential more if i know that there isn't the matress waiting to catch me should i fall.... This shell gives me my limits and its basically like if i were to leave the shell I could never get back in... Like a nut's shell that when once cracked can never be put back together!!! I know some of u out there may be thinking..."Wat's wrong with this guy??? .... Its so nice to have so much security in life!" But believe me, there is so much of frustration that gets built up over the years... What if i had it in me to be the best singer there ever was, or the best cook(these are just examples!!!).... Now those don't even seem to be on the list of what i am allowed to do!!
Thus I feel like this puppet with so many strings around me controlling every movement of my body! Should i try to break lose.... Things become unstable... But i guess there will be a day or a moment wherein I really will want to break lose from all these strings and find out the real me......
Excuse me people but i really have to run now!! I'm at Coimbatore now to get my bus to go back home and i just realised that my bus is in some time... so i'll get back on this topic once i get home.... Later....
Rediscovering my earlier ages
I was at Ooty this weekend, I came for the Founders Day celebration at my school - Lawrence School, Lovedale and it was four days filled with nostalgic feelings....
I am coming back to school after six years...it was so wonderful meeting old friends.. Well not too many people turned up... There were 13 members of my batch who turned up but it was great....
I wonder at times whether its ever possible to lose friends... Well maybe it is... But this trip was like a rediscovery... Met some of these guys after so many years and still it was wonderful... Though most of them have changed physically, each and every one of them was fundamentally the same... They still behaved in the same manner and spoke in the same way... and i guess thought in the same way... Walking through the many corridors of my school with these guys brought back into my mind the memories from my school days.. I guess i am very much the person i am today mainly because of this wonderful institution.... which also includes the friends I had here... I walked all over school countless times... Went to the dormitory I was in when i was like 8 years old... Seeing the sheer size of the bed made me smile and think of all the things i had done when i was there... And the class rooms... Made me think of how then I used to always want to grow up and go to college so that i would have more freedom and would be more responsible!! But now I think I would give up so much just to re-live the life i lived there with all the friends that i had in school... Time has brought so many hurdles between so many people i thought i would always be in touch with throughout my life... There were few people I considered indispensable when I was in school and now I never hear from them...Or rather i don't let them hear from me(Why pass the blame!!)
This makes me worried and disturbed as the same is happening now... Today I have got my results for the final semester of college and I am now through with college in every aspect... So, where will this lead to... Off course, I am moving on to a new phase of my life... but wat about my friends... Will I again let time and distance move between our relationship?? I always have thought that after the relationship between one's parents, friendship is the most important... So many ways friendship is something that can bring u out of the deepest of moments and also help u relive the highest of moments... So now wat is friendship?? Is friendship a ship that is sailing on the ocean moving away from wat we want to see of is friendship the very Ocean?????
I have always felt that its good to fall, as if u never fall, U will never know how to pick ureself up when u eventually do! So now I've had to bid adieu to my friends already on two major occasions - Once when I left Lawrence and again when I left Montfort. And on both these occasions i've had a tear in my eye when I had to leave... I felt so strongly in my heart that i have to keep in touch with my dear friends no matter how or where life takes me.... But if i think of the number of the good friends that i've been in touch with... It hurts me... There are so few of them that i can still confidently say I'm in touch with... So will the same thing happen??? Will I find new friends who take more importance?? Its good of course to make new friends, but should this occur at the cost of old friends?? I really don't seem to understand!! Everything seems so confusing... wat ever it means... i sure do hope that the life i am to lead ahead always lets me understand that some of the good friends now carry a priority over many of the other things dat happen in my life... I don't want to lose more friends.... I think friends are too important in life...
So i think i am going to make a conscious effort to renew my contacts and regain the many wonderful friends i have made... and also keep my current friends... Its very important to do so....Friendship is like a plant that needs no water and can keep growing with no death but if watered can give the most beautiful flowers......
I am coming back to school after six years...it was so wonderful meeting old friends.. Well not too many people turned up... There were 13 members of my batch who turned up but it was great....
I wonder at times whether its ever possible to lose friends... Well maybe it is... But this trip was like a rediscovery... Met some of these guys after so many years and still it was wonderful... Though most of them have changed physically, each and every one of them was fundamentally the same... They still behaved in the same manner and spoke in the same way... and i guess thought in the same way... Walking through the many corridors of my school with these guys brought back into my mind the memories from my school days.. I guess i am very much the person i am today mainly because of this wonderful institution.... which also includes the friends I had here... I walked all over school countless times... Went to the dormitory I was in when i was like 8 years old... Seeing the sheer size of the bed made me smile and think of all the things i had done when i was there... And the class rooms... Made me think of how then I used to always want to grow up and go to college so that i would have more freedom and would be more responsible!! But now I think I would give up so much just to re-live the life i lived there with all the friends that i had in school... Time has brought so many hurdles between so many people i thought i would always be in touch with throughout my life... There were few people I considered indispensable when I was in school and now I never hear from them...Or rather i don't let them hear from me(Why pass the blame!!)
This makes me worried and disturbed as the same is happening now... Today I have got my results for the final semester of college and I am now through with college in every aspect... So, where will this lead to... Off course, I am moving on to a new phase of my life... but wat about my friends... Will I again let time and distance move between our relationship?? I always have thought that after the relationship between one's parents, friendship is the most important... So many ways friendship is something that can bring u out of the deepest of moments and also help u relive the highest of moments... So now wat is friendship?? Is friendship a ship that is sailing on the ocean moving away from wat we want to see of is friendship the very Ocean?????
I have always felt that its good to fall, as if u never fall, U will never know how to pick ureself up when u eventually do! So now I've had to bid adieu to my friends already on two major occasions - Once when I left Lawrence and again when I left Montfort. And on both these occasions i've had a tear in my eye when I had to leave... I felt so strongly in my heart that i have to keep in touch with my dear friends no matter how or where life takes me.... But if i think of the number of the good friends that i've been in touch with... It hurts me... There are so few of them that i can still confidently say I'm in touch with... So will the same thing happen??? Will I find new friends who take more importance?? Its good of course to make new friends, but should this occur at the cost of old friends?? I really don't seem to understand!! Everything seems so confusing... wat ever it means... i sure do hope that the life i am to lead ahead always lets me understand that some of the good friends now carry a priority over many of the other things dat happen in my life... I don't want to lose more friends.... I think friends are too important in life...
So i think i am going to make a conscious effort to renew my contacts and regain the many wonderful friends i have made... and also keep my current friends... Its very important to do so....Friendship is like a plant that needs no water and can keep growing with no death but if watered can give the most beautiful flowers......
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