Wednesday, January 25, 2006

An introspection

Hey everyone....
Today's been a day of some serious inner reflections... Well I have just been wondering about the purpose of my existence!! Well i get into these thoughts once in a while.. And when i start thinking.. I just dive deep into my thoughts which takes me further and further... And in the end it leaves me worrying over whether i am doing what i should be doing and whether things are going the way they should. Did I make the right decision there? , Should i be bogged down by what other people think?, Or rather should I start doing this and stop doing that... Well the list is endless...

Usually these thoughts leave me in a realm of mixed emotions. I can't say that it leaves me sad or worried... But yes if u were to see me in one of these days..then u would think i was worried.. Am i confusing u!!!

Now i'm wondering over whether I should at all be worried about what anyone else thinks of me or what i am doing... I know i should feel ok doing anything as long as I feel it isn't crossing my pre-defined senses of acceptability. But still there's always this small thought that keeps pulling me back which makes me go like, "But what would he or she think of me if i were to say that" and "what would she feel about me if she knew i was doing something". And these questions pull me back and grip me refusing to let go..

So sometimes i take it in my stride and carry on with wat ever i feel like doing. But many other times it does succeed in pulling me back and i land up sitting and doing nothing except think of many other things that i maybe should not have done!!

Well today's one of those many days wherein I am sitting and keying in all of this stuff... Just to get it out of me!!! I was to go out with my friends but then something kept holding me back and i decided to get back to my room and spend sometime with myself!! (I hope i aint sounding like a lunatic)...

And i've just been reading this wonderful essay by Paul Graham on "How to do what u Love". Its pretty interesting and provides a new insight into what governs people's likes and dislikes. Things have been prescribed for us... For example... We are told by all around us from the time we were kids that "Work is not fun and Play is fun". Well so we are brought up to believe so. Now when we are older and are at a job, we need to pretend to love our job(Not everyone of course, but most people). Look at this irony in life. The very concept that Work is boring is bored deep into us and then we are supposed to love our jobs in order to be successful. Well u can read this article at http://www.paulgraham.com/love.html . Ok people... I guess i'll sign off for now... Good bye....

2 comments:

Livewire said...

hmmm, kinda reminds me of me. those conundrums i used to face with myself... why am i doing this, for whom am i doing this, am i upholding my belief by this, am i right, how should i tackle it if i were wrong, y am i not somewhere else, doing something else... it is endless. u know wat they say, the idle mind is the devil's ideal workshop. keep urself occupied. im tryin it, n it works like magic !

Gyom said...

Hmmm, I somhow disagree... Keep on being occupied and the day you'll be idle it will be most difficult to face what you're doin...
Think it's good to stop sometimes, face all that snakes in your head, and if the troubles remain too long then it's most necessary to meet friends, and speek to them without fear or shame; friends are made for that. Never stay alone in that case. If you can have fun with your friends, then you must be able to speak about your troubles as well... Everyone is the same, don't worry.
Then you'll be back to life!
;o)